Pastor Ryan Gaffney

There is a delightfully geeky young girl I know who left a status on facebook several months ago which I took note of. It has persisted in my memory as one of my all time favorite status updates ever. It said

“I want to go where the TARDIS is going”

I don’t think she realized when she wrote it, or even now, how deep that statement is.

If you’re not already familiar it’s a reference to the Brilliant british Sci-Fi show “Dr. Who”. Which surrounds the enigmatic Time Lord known only as “The Doctor” who is in the habit of picking up geeky young girls to be his companion for a season or two as they travel through time and space in his TARDIS.

The TARDIS itself is a super advanced alien spacecraft disguised as a Police Box. it can go anywhere, and it can arrive there at any time. In past episodes it’s been to Cardiff to visit Charles Dickens at Christmas, and out to the very edge of the universe in the distant future.

But the status update did not say “I want to be able to go to the edge of the universe” or “I wish I could time travel” it said “I want to go where the TARDIS is going” or, in other words “I wish I were a companion of The Doctor, traveling with him in his TARDIS, to whatever place in time or space it’s headed, regardless of where that is”

How interesting.

The Doctor’s companions often leave family and relationships behind. They risk their lives, and it’s not like the places they go are always nice. One spend a year traveling the earth by foot while caught in a timelline that caused an evil alien to take over the earth. Another one is now stuck in a parallel universe.

But to this young lady that doesn’t matter. If that’s where the action is, If that’s where the TARDIS is headed, if that’s where The Doctor wants to take me, That’s where I want to go.

And I get it. I feel the same way honestly (although The Doctor rarely travels with men) because anywhere, anywhen in the universe I end up, I know the Doctor is going to be there. So even if I get captured by Sontarans, or stuck on a asteroid headed for a black hole, I know that eventually he is going to save me, and it will all be alright. The Doctor has never lost a companion.

Perhaps more important than that, is the guarantee that wherever The Doctor is, there also is incredible adventure. Sometimes the TARDIS flies back to London in the present day. But one is certain that if that’s the case, then present day London will be the most exciting place in the universe to be, because a monster is sure to attack or something, and you and he will get to save the world from impending doom.

I think you can see where I’m going with this. That is the offer of Jesus. That as we travel to the very ends of the earth, he will be with us, he will protect us, he will be our friend, our guide, and our savior. And we are invited to join him, and help him on his epic quest to save the world.

As for myself, I want to go where the TARDIS is going. I want to ride the Millennium Falcon. I want to join the Fellowship of the Ring. And I want to be a disciple of Jesus

Back in California I once took a bike trip down the coast with a buddy.

We stayed in campsites at night and sampled the local food along the way.

I can’t express the exhilaration one feels when they are on a bicycle miles from anything familiar, surrounded by sea cliffs, and coasting down a steep hill on Pacific Coast Highway, keeping pace with the motorists while feeling the sea breeze. It’s incredible.

People talk to you on a trip like that. When you cruise through their town with windblown hair, having not showered, and obviously in no hurry to get anywhere. So I made the habit of  surveying strangers along the road about their thoughts on a simple question.

What is Best in Life?

At the time I thought the half remembered query was something I had learned of in my study of Talmudic Judaism. Rabbis used to ask one another philosophical questions and gauge where they stood on important issues, this was similar. I’d probably plagiarized it.

And it worked, people opened up. At lease some people did. Some people had fascinating stories and lifestyles and philosophies. Some people were boring and gave vague non answers like “love” or “happiness” that they didn’t care to expound on.

But the best answer, my favorite answer came from the owner of a Mexican bakery in Carpinteria.

“What is best?” I said philosophically. “You mean… here?” she responded, in a thick Mexican accent, as if unsure her English was doing the question justice “No” said I “…in life. What is best in life?”

“OOOOHHHhh in life!” she said “Ina all life?”

“Yes, What is best in all of life?”

She stared off to her right for a moment, and then gestured emphatically with her left hand.

“Tamales!”

It was funny at first. but the truth is that that’s very deep. That woman has it figured out. She knows what’s best in life, and she got it, and built a life around it, and now she keeps it just in front of her and to her left where she sells it for 65 cents to anyone interested.

What about for you? What do you think is best in life?

PS: Yes, I bought a tamal. Yes, it was delicious.

It’s a question as old as time itself. No, actually it’s medieval in origin — dating to around the 12th century:

Could God create a boulder so heavy that he himself could not lift it?

There is an older version dating to around the 6th century B.C.: Could God deny Himself?

And a more contemporary version:

Could God microwave a burrito so hot, that even He Himself could not open it? The answer to all of these questions is as uncomplicated as it is disappointing.

He created the universe with a single thought. With Him all things are possible.

Here’s how St. Augustine answered the question:

“We do not put the life of God and the foreknowledge of God under any necessity when we say that God must live an eternal life and must know all things. Neither do we lessen his power when we say He cannot die or be deceived. This is the kind of inability which, if removed, would make God less powerful than He is. God is rightly called omnipotent, even though He is unable to die and be deceived. We call Him omnipotent because He does whatever He wills to do and suffers nothing that He does not will to suffer. He would not, of course be omnipotent, if He had to suffer anything against His will. It is precisely because He is omnipotent that for Him some things are impossible.”  

Aquinas had a similar view:

“Whatever implies being and nonbeing simultaneously is incompatible with the absolute possibility which falls under divine omnipotence. Such a contradiction is not subject to it, not from any impotence in God, but because it simply does not have the nature of being feasible or possible. Whatever, then, does not involve a contradiction is in the realm of the possible with respect to which God is omnipotent. Whatever involves a contradiction is not within the scope of omnipotence because it cannot qualify for possibility. Better, however, to say that it cannot be done, rather than God cannot do it.”

He is everywhere. He knows everything. He made everything. He can do anything.

Which includes tolerating our silly questions.

Deal with it.

Have you guys seen this video yet? It’s the one of the bully getting a taste of his own medicine.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sOFOVrgToSU&w=480&h=390]

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I’m interested to hear what you all think. Obviously the bully got what was coming to him, but from a christian perspective I’m not entirely sure Casey did the right thing.

I know what my mom would say. She would have no problem jumping in Casey’s corner. And honestly neither do I… If the alternative corner is the bully.

But what about “turn the other cheek”? Isn’t this exactly the event that Jesus talked about? Weren’t his instructions clear enough?

There’s plenty about this video that makes me cheer for Casey. I was picked on a bit growing up, and I can relate to the feeling and I feel a sense of solidarity with him. I love that he clearly did nothing to provoke it, I love that he calmly walked away after as the kid stumbled up, I even love that the video clearly showed how the other kids were part of the problem standing by and letting bullying happen (even filming it).

Still there’s something here that makes me cringe.

What say you?

Warning: This is Frustrated Ryan talking. Frustrated Ryan doesn’t always agree with Regular Ryan. The views expressed in this blog should may or may not represent his standard feelings

There’s this bible study in one of the girls halls at the school where I serve. It’s filled with absolutely fantastic Christian girls 6 or seven of them who were raised in the church, know Jesus as their Lord and savior, come regularly, and discuss fancy vocabulary words. They’re smart and funny and they earnestly desire to follow God with their lives. Several of them have picked majors specifically to help them make a difference in the world.

But somewhere along the line they forgot how to apply the gospel to their own lives.

They know all about every common sermon take-away you could possibly imagine, but they don’t. actually. take. it. away….

I’ll show you what I mean

We’re going through John. Last month we were at Jesus and the Paralyzed Man. So our application was “How can you take up your mat and walk in your own life?”

::crickets::

The next week was Jesus and the Pharisees. We thought the last application might not be specific enough so this time we said “Jesus reamed the Pharisees for knowing the scripture but not really doing what it says. One very simple thing the scripture says is ‘love your neighbor’ how about tonight at dinner we all make friends with someone new as a way to increase the amount of love we share”

…Nobody did…

The next week was Jesus feeds the 5000. To we talked about what we give to Jesus and whether we have a mentality like Phillip or Andrew. our take away was “So last week we kinda made excuses like Philip. How can we find a way this week to really do what we say we’re going to do?”

Nope.

So this week we did Jesus Walks on Water and we didn’t even read the passage (these are church kids, they know it) we just left and said “Find a person you don’t know and try to make their day better”

You know what happened?

Six kids. Six awesome christian women. who have known and sought Christ with their lives for years, walked over to a dining hall and stood in a semi circle. There was a booth right by them for the Red Cross Blood Drive. They needed donors and volunteers, and the Christians looked awkwardly at one another and said:

“Where are we possibly going to find somebody that needs our help?”

…

…

I GIVE UP!

…

I fresh out of ideas. because if you call yourself a christian and you don’t give blood I just don’t know what the hell that means.

People are dieing. and you can stop it, right now today and you can help stop it.

Would you like to?

It’s going to take a pinprick to the arm. But somebody is going to die if you don’t do it.

Awwww… Is that too much of a sacrifice? Poor baby! Okay. Go back to church and sing more songs. I’m sure that’s good too.

If you don’t give blood and say are a christian I don’t know what the hell you mean by that

that you believe something?

No you don’t.

If you actually believed the God of the universe came here and died for you I don’t think there is any possibility that you would entertain he thought that it might not be worth 20 minutes of your time and a poke in the arm to donate blood to a reputable organization.

At that point you need to be evangelised.

You don’t need to be preached to, you don’t need another bible study, and you certainty don’t need another fellowship event, you need Jesus.

One of my students recently put up a Blog Post. I’d love to link it here, but considering what I’m going to say about it I think I had better not for fear of inciting a flame war.

Suffice it to say she wrote about the disaster in Japan. It was honest, It was vulnerable. She referenced scripture, she provided pictures. She cried out publicly to a God who didn’t appear to be listening. Everything one would expect from a modern psalm of lament.

It should go without saying that I’m totally proud of her for the courage she demonstrated, and for the maturity of faith that invites doubt rather than feeling a need to cover everything up neatly with a little religious blanket. As a minister there isn’t much you can ask for that could be better than seeing your students grow closer to Christ.

But somebody out there decided to take the opportunity to question her motives and make her feel awful about stepping out. He accused her of failing to glorify god, because under his definition apparently glorifying God means you never let ‘em see ya sweat.

Well she’s awesome, so of course she talked to him about how the psalms contain similar statements. And that even Jesus himself says “My God my God why have you forsaken me?”

But guess what he said?

I bet you can guess!

He said “Well are you Jesus?”

…

…

And that’s how it arrives. “Well are you Jesus?” and then the conversation is over of course. Because no self respecting Christian is going to say “Yes I’m totally Jesus and what’s true of him is true of me” and once you invalidate Jesus you really can’t use evidence from the bible anymore So now we just have to shut up. My student goes home with her tail between her legs.

But wait a sec!

Are we seriously going to let him get away with that?

No, No we’re not.

I wanted to give you the context because I feel like without the context it’s hard to separate truth for emotion on this question. But my hope is that in this situation you can see that this is clearly argumentative behavior. It’s used to win arguments that can’t be won using truth. But it’s insidious. I’ve used the “your not Jesus” argument. I bet you have too, and at the time we both felt that we were right to use it, because after all the point we were defending was right… because after all it was our point…

But from an objective perspective, Like the one we get when we see it being used against my student. I think it’s much easier to see it’s wrong. If we disregard everything Jesus said or did as inapplicable because “we’re not Jesus” well frankly we just don’t have a whole lot of Christianity left to work with.

In fact even the word “Christianity” the Christ-Ians or “Little Christs” implies that we are in fact supposed to be like Jesus, to follow his example, and yes even be him.

Galatians 2:20
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

So next time somebody gets into your face and tells you “You’re not Jesus” You just tell them right back “Yes I am! And you should be too!”

I have refrained from speaking for a long time.

At times I have thought it prudent to be quiet.

At times I have been a coward.

But here is the truth. Rob Bell is a good man and a good pastor.

More than that. He has good theology.

I don’t agree with everything he’s ever said, and I don’t expect to agree with everything he ever will say. He is a human man, and he sins like the rest of us. But he is a brother, and a co-worker in the ministry, and I am deeply deeply embarrassed for my church that has crucified him in the eye of public opinion the way we have. It’s bullying, and it’s disgusting.

We’ve been accusing him of heresy since the book was first announced. well now the book is out. The results are in, and guess what?

Rob Bell is not a Universalist.

I’ll say that again.

Rob Bell is not a Universalist. And all you christian leaders who took time away from teaching the bible in order to string him up in the public square are guilty of lieing to your congregations.

James 3:1
Not many of you should become teachers, my brothers, for you know that we who teach will be judged with greater strictness.

Luke 17:2
It would be better for him if a millstone were hung around his neck and he were cast into the sea than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin.

Rob Bell believes in Kingdom Theology, and with it he accepts a variant understanding of heaven and hell than the one that is commonly taught. It’s actually a fascinating variant, and one I’m partial to myself.

Simply speaking heaven is coming now, beginning here on this earth, Our eternal lives start now and in so much as we live them in the presence of God we are already in heaven. In so much as we reject God we are in hell.

This notion does not preclude a traditional conservative interpretation as well (It’s quite possible that after we die hell becomes much more flamey, and there’s nothing about this theology that says it can’t be)

Bell also expresses awareness of the mystery of salvation. He doesn’t know who is saved and who isn’t. I’m very concerned about any supposed biblical teacher who claims anything different. The Bible says there will be those who cry “Lord, Lord” who will not enter.

And he believes that we will have the ability to choose Jesus even after death. I don’t think that’s biblicaly justified. So there you have it. Then again, I can see where he gets that idea based on the character of God.

S0 Rob Bell is batting 2/3 for his horrible heretical book that is going to lead this generation astray. What about you, conservative christian leader? I sincerely doubt you will find a reading of scripture that is as tolerant of your lying as it is on Bells NotUniversalism.

So why don’t you repent? go ahead and turn from your evil ways. Write a retraction to your articles, post follow ups to your facebook statuses, and admit you lied. Our God is abounding in steadfast love, and he will forgive all of us for the way we have hideously cannibalized one another. If you still don’t like Rob Bell that’s fine, but he’s not guilty of what you accused him of.

And while you’re at it… Do you remember that supposed 9/11 Victory Mosque?…Yeah…That too….And that ordinance we lied about… and that… and that…

One of my favorite things about by job as a campus minister is it’s amorphous nature. Between ministering, fund raising, networking, and personal development it is very difficult to find an activity that I might participate in which is not part of my job.

Flying Kites in the park? That’s a “Gathering Event”
Read a book in the local coffee shop? That’s called “Reasearch”
Going to a bar with some freinds? We call that, “Evangelism”

Earlier today I went to an event at the International Student Center and ended up being interviewed about multiculturalism by the campus newspaper… But I didn’t go with the intention of forwarding InterVarsity’s value of Ethnic Reconciliation. I went because I like Korean food!

I understand how this might drive someone else crazy, because you’re never really off the clock. But you’re also never really on the clock, you do the work you want to do, when and where you want to do it, and if it get’s interrupted, so be it! Nobody is going to tell me that my 15 minute break is not for another 6 minutes.

Often I’ve been out somewhere, at about 10 at night. and people will start to recognize that they need to get to bed. “I’ve got work in the morning” someone will say “I’ve got to be in the office by 9” Another will say “Yeah I’m opening tomorrow, I have to be up by 6” and one lucky person will say “I can stay up, I don’t have to be in until noon”… That’s usually when all the heads turn to look at me as if to say “And what about you Ryan?”

And I look around at them, shrug and say “I’m pretty sure I’m at work” It’s phenomenal.

But that’s not something available only to Campus Ministers. Actually I’d argue that’s the call for all of us, we just have to define “work” differently.

See I’m lucky enough to get paid for what every christian is called to do anyway: Spread the Gospel, Love the Neighbor, Make the World a Better Place. The difference between me and a Mechanic, is that a Mechanic also fixes cars for people.

And It’s my hope that everyone will have a job they love. Whether that’s fixing cars, or performing surgeries, or teaching windsurfing, because when you love your job you never work a day in your life. But it’s also my hope that every christian, would love their ministry, and engage in it constantly, and never, never, be off of God’s clock.

I’ve found myself frustrated lately by a number of discussions that were more heated than they needed to be. If fact, they were more existent than they needed to be, they could have just as easily not happened at all! So even though you guys are not the problem I’m writing the blog in the hopes of making the world a slightly better place, by avoiding needless arguments with the help of a very simple distinction.

There is a difference between “I don’t understand” and “I disagree”

It seems simple, but I keep getting into these arguments with people I agree with who don’t understand something I say, so they argue with me until they do understand. Don’t do that!

And you can’t do both either. In order to disagree with a statement, you have to understand it. If I made the claim that “colorless green ideas sleep furiously” and you wanted to say “No they don’t” You would have to be able to affirm in your head that you know what it is I intended to mean by that statement, You know it is not correct, and you are prepared to tell me why not. If you don’t understand, you really have no choice bit to reserve judgment until you do.

Sometimes you understand partially. and the part you do understand is enough to disagree with. The statement “An echidna would make an excellent pet for you” might be something you disagree with, even without knowing what a echidna is, provided you don’t like pets for instance.

Sometimes you’ll be tempted to fill in the gaps in your own understanding. That’s okay, we all take shortcuts in colloquial speech, and nobody wants to be the dumb one who “doesn’t get it” But do yourself and the speaker a favor and assume you agree with them as your fill those gaps in. For some reason I see people who misunderstand that, so they assume their opponent is saying something wrong they’ve heard before and begins to argue with them on that basis. That’s really annoying, and really presumptuous. To assume you know what a person actually meant, and not only that, but you also know it’s wrong.

So really then. Debate is necessarily respectful. Because disagreement is an act of respect. In order to disagree with you I need to understand what your argument means, and think it sounds reasonable, if I didn’t think it sounded like something you would say on purpose I’d have to assume I misunderstood and withhold judgment until I had something to disagree with that made sense. So the phrase “I won’t even dignify that with a response” really means something, because responses do dignify ideas.

Meanwhile when some Hippi tells you something like “We are everything and in everything” there’s really not much to say other than “How interesting, and by ‘we’ you mean….’everything’…okay, go on”

People often ask me what an “average day” looks like for me as a minister at KSU. My answer is always the same, “there’s no such thing” In the field, every day is different, and in the line of service to the cross I have done everything from preaching to a congregation of octogenarians on Easter morning, to dressing up as a giant chicken and throwing candy around.

Some days I mess up and end up hurting people, some days things work out and I end up changing people’s lives. Some days I wonder if I ever accomplish anything at all. But today was a good day, So hopefully if I tell you about it, you’ll be able to get some idea of what sorts of things go on. (better than if I were to tell you about a terrible day where I was stuck in the snow for most of it anyway)

Today I woke up at the crack of noon, and promptly went back to sleep. No appointments, might as well take advantage of the opportunity to oversleep.

At about 2 I got out of bed, checked e-mail, and started cleaning my basement apartment. Administrative duties; Organizing receipts to deduct, creating a list of follow ups, dishes… that sort of thing. By 4 I was at Bluestem, my local haunt, the Coffee Shop where I go to mingle when I don’t have anywhere in particular to be. I wrote out my Ministry update letter, and sent out a vulnerable e-mail to my Sunday Night Group, asking for some help with it.

Bluestem is always filled with acquaintances, Baristas and other locals chat, and hang out, A Statistics Prof, gives me advice on my shorthand poker game while two other friends discuss the finer points of acknowledging one’s ex’s birthday.

Around 5 I make a trip to the Verizon Store because I’m going over the limit on text messages. I’d had a conversation earlier this week with two students over text about the differences between Men and Woman, John Henry Newman’s seminal work, and Die Hard and it put me clear over the top.

By 6:00 I’m back at Bluestem finishing a Blog post. And I got a call from another student wanting to know the “name of that kind of study we’ve been doing” He and I have been leading a manuscript study for the last couple of weeks, and he wanted to know the name of it, because he was going to try it with his house church…AWESOME!

Long story short, I end up attending the gathering, where I get to see one of my leaders lead others, into leading an inductive study of the Bible. I get done just in time to make it to “Theology on Tap” a ministry of the Episcopal Canterbury to talk about God in a pub. I brought a non-christian friend and we both loved it. Most of us were ministers, all of us lean left of center (pub and all) and the conversation was great. I got the number of a potential new mentors. My friend got to see Christians being christian while recognizing their own mistakes.

When it was over at about 11 many of us stayed and began to dream about a place open 24 hours where you could go to connect with people. We discussed the next generation, and what the world will look like when they’re in charge. We discussed what matters in life, and came to the conclusion that helping people matters, and not much else.

At 1 am we went back to his house, at  1:30 we were searching the internet for some 24 hour prayer ministry we had heard about at 2 we arrived there, and found it empty, so we decided to hold down the fort until 4 when the next shift arrived, and then we prayed with them for another hour

My night wasn’t over until after 5 AM this morning.

I’m sleeping in again

Dear California Department of Justice, Local Police Departments including especially CHP and La County Sheriff, and the State Legislature: Dear California.

Three generations ago my great grandfather crossed the Brooklyn bridge by foot. Coming to America he got the best job that a young Irish Immigrant could hope for. Police Officer.

I never met him but I did meet my grandfather, who followed in his father’s footsteps in joining the NYPD, eventually becoming captain In Staten Island.

His son, my uncle moved to the great American south, and became Sheriff in Alachua County Florida, where he is now among the best bomb experts in the south, training teams in explosive ordinance disposal.

I say this to illustrate a point. I’m not an enemy of law enforcement. I come from a line of men who from a certain perspective, had every reason to expect me to become an officer myself. Growing up I played with toy police cars, and understood intuitively in my large imagined universes, that cops were always good guys.

There was a time when I used to see a squad car in my neighborhood and be thankful. I would think “Oh cool, the cops are here” or later (as I became more articulate) “It’s great that these civil servants are here to make us safer”

Those times are gone.

You’re disgusting to me now. A symbol of oppression and corruption that used force and coercion to harm decent people while doing little to reduce violent crime.

Now, as a Law-abiding citizen, when I see a squad car while I’m driving somewhere, I panic.

CRAP! Was I doing 66? Is my registration up to date? Oh No, Oh No! “Hands on the wheel, 10 and 2” Oh No! Is my seat belt securely fastened? Is my Tray Table up? SHOOT! Is it March Already? My new proof of insurance is still sitting on a desk at home. Please don’t pull me over, please don’t pull me over…

…And of course they do pull me over, and I wind up with a “fix it” ticket for about $150, which I can get resolved with a series of bribes and a day off work.

I have to get my proof of insurance (that he already knows I have because it’s in the system) and take it to a local station, where I have to wait in line bribe the officer at the front desk to do their Job, so I can get the ticket signed off that “yes this is actually an insurance card”

Then I have to drive to the county courthouse… being careful not to run into any other cops, and bring the signed off ticket to the courthouse, where I have to bribe them to process it. And they don’t take cash, or credit, checks only.

This is the case with any ticket. The best-case scenario. This is what happens when the cop that pulls you over I nice. And I describe it using the term “bribe” for a reason. Because this activity takes place independent of any crime that has taken place. They want to call it “fees” but that doesn’t make any sense, because I don’t just have to pay the fees when I’m guilty, I have to pay the fees no matter what, just to get the ticket fixed.

Once I got a Fixit for an expired registration, that wasn’t expired at all. I had an up to date registration that was up for renewal, and I’d payed it before the deadline but the DMV (California Government) didn’t send me my tags until it was a month late. So in that month a member of the CHP (California Government) gave me a ticket for not having a sticker on my license plate in time.

So I had to wait online at the DMV to find out what had happened, learn that I had had up to date registration all along, and wait for them to send it to me, meanwhile I’m driving my totally legal car as if I’m loaded down with illicit substances, trying to avoid getting another ticket. Then when It arrives I have to drive to the Irvine Police Department (California Government) where I had to pay them to agree that the first cop had been wrong, so that I could go to the Court (California Government) and pay them to process the ticket.

There is a word for this. When an agency (such as the California Government) charges you for a service which is actually non-existent or which they themselves created the need for. It’s called Racketeering. The most common type of which is the “protection racket” whereby a thug informs you that you will need to pay him a sum of money for “protection”… the monies payed out to said thug are called bribes.

You’re the thug, California

You force me to appear to break the law, which you then accuse me of, and charge me to get it dismissed without fair trial.

And trial is even worse!

Don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m upset about fees. Fees are a symptom of a corrupt system that incentives punishing good people for crimes that don’t exist.

Once I got a ticket for running a red arrow, at an intersection where no red arrow actually existed. I had proof that this was the case (I took video) I was happy to get take it to trial.

But in California you cannot contest a ticket until it’s “in the system” which takes a few weeks to a few months depending on how much they feel like screwing with you. You know it’s in the system when they mail you a copy of your ticket, but they never did.

Instead they waited six months and mailed me a notice that I had been charged with a misdemeanor “failure to appear in court” Well I didn’t fail to appear in court, because I didn’t have a court date, because they didn’t give me one, because when I called they told me to wait until it was in the system. But to be fair.. the ticket had a date on it, and that date had passed.

Well I got this ticket in LA, and the officer had the prerogative to choose which court he would like to try it in, so he put it in Santa Monica (about 3 hours away from where I live) And I can’t drive there because I’ve been accused of a misdemeanor and my license has been revoked.

I go to court to be arraigned and find that the date had been shuffled, and that my failure to appear (FTA) was therefore illegal. So I was invited just to pay the ticked (about $250)… but since I wasn’t guilty I didn’t want to do that. I requested a trial by written declaration, but doing that would have required me to pay the ticket up front and wait for it to be refunded. Well the San Diego PD was already holding onto about $200 of my money that I’d had to pay them for Felony Not Speeding and they hadn’t refunded me yet, so I wasn’t going to hold my breath and I made plans to appear personally. I figured it was worth the tank of gas, to be able to keep what money I still had.

Big mistake

Well I had to bribe the LA court to give me proof that the FTA had been dismissed, which I then had to take to the DMV so I could bribe them to give me my license back, now that I had proof they never should have taken it in the first place, so that I could drive back up to court with the video I’d taken of the intersection where I was purported to have run a red arrow that never existed.

Well the weeks passed, and my court date arrived. I woke up, grabbed my summons, and started walking to the car when a sudden chill or horror ran down my spine, I looked at the trial time 7am… I was sure it was 1pm, the same time as the arraignment. It was already 8! What was I going to do.

I called the court. I had missed my trial, so in my absence I’d been found guilty. Guilty of the Red Arrow, Of the FTA, and charged with an additional FTA for that morning. No more opportunity to contest.

So I had to drive up to the court again anyhow. Get the slip that said I was guilty or two misdemeanors. Pay them off. And then take the proof to the DMV again so that they wouldn’t take my license away.

And that’s how you work, California. That’s what it costs to not run a red arrow on your watch. $1,100; plus fees; 2 tanks of gas; $80 to the DMV; and plenty of pain and suffering.

But at least I’ve learned my lesson.

When a thug in uniform accuses you of something you didn’t do and let’s you pay $250 to take care of it. You should just pay the $250!

It’s just too bad though. I really wanted to like law enforcement….