Pastor Ryan Gaffney

Hi there, Christian girl.

Yes, you. With the camp t-shirt, who likes Switchfoot

I just wanted to let you that you’re attractive.

You’re a really fun person to be around. You’re nice, and you can be really funny at times! You’re also quite beautiful. I like what you did with your hair today.

Is that creepy? I’m sorry, listen though, here’s the thing. I noticed. Actually, everyone noticed… Every heterosexual guy who knows you has become aware of the fact that you are attractive, and there’s not much any of us can do about that fact.

It’s not like you hide it either. I mean, you dress modestly-cute on purpose right? Isn’t that because guys like me like it? How long did you spend getting ready this morning?

Listen it’s really awkward for us. Because now, if we come out admitting we like you, we are taking a gamble between learning that you like us to, and going out. Or ruining the friendship because you are going to treat us like we are weird from now on. But what’s weird about it? I think you’re cute, you don’t like me that way, let’s move on.

Why should you treat boys who want to get to know you better, like they want to kidnap you?

He is a boy, not a sexual deviant. The dude might like to kiss you under certain circumstances, but trust me it’s not like he is going to try it against your will! So you say, “I’m not interested” and you don’t worry about it anymore.

Otherwise you actually end up perpetuating a problematic cycle, whereby even the boys that you want to like you, will pretend like they don’t like you because they think that if they admit they like you and you don’t like them they’ll be treated like a freak. So then you get upset because none of the boys are paying attention to you but Becky, the standofish witch seems to have no shortage of attention from boys. You start to think that it’s just because you’re not pretty enough, when really it’s just because they value your friendship. Becky treats everyone like a pariah, so we don’t have much to lose by flirting with her.

I know that not all of these emotions are logical, and you just kindof feel what you feel. Creepy feels like creepy, I get it. But I really think this is hurting relationships, and creating Beckys. And it could be prevented if you just think about these sorts of encounters in a different way. Next time a boy is nice to you, instead of getting weird about it just say to yourself “either he is nice, or he thinks I’m cool. Either way is good news, and if he asks me out, all I have to do is say ‘no’ ” Rinse and repeat inside your head as many times as necessary.